There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize