Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
