From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
