I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
