he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
