Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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