just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
