whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
