I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
