i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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