I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
