Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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