so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
