I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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