So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
