i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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