Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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