So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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