I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
