Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
