I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
