dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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