i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
