i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
