i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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