just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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