no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
