He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
