yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
