He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They have beer where we have blood.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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