it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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