I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize
