shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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