in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The best revenge is premature balding
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
