I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
