I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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