I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
