im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
