I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
