I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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