Sry I called you an 8
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
