omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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