I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
