Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
