dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
