i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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