Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
