I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
