hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
