just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize