tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
