I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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