quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
