Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
