just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
