Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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