What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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