i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
