she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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