I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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