oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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