omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
