Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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