I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the day after is always just damage control
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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