I wish my penis had an off switch
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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