No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
