you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
