just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
