So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
