I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
