Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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