I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
