It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My penis needs a shock collar
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
