I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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