I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
