Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
