people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
