she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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